Naming Our Blog

Here, on this momentous day as we launch this blog, which will certainly be studied—and likely revered—by future humans and non-humans alike, we must ask a very pertinent and, in this scenario, pivotal question:

What do you name a blog about a parody Ewok musical?

I know what you’re thinking: “The painfully obvious choice is to call it The bLog.” We see what you did there. It’s perfect. After all, we want this blog to smash people’s heads, metaphorically, the same way Ewoks’ clever swinging log traps smashed the metaphoric heads of the Empire’s All Terrain Scout Transports. (No doubt gorily crushing the absolutely literal heads of the Imperials inside at the time. And their ribs and organs and stuff. And then we bet the Ewoks ate them, cause they do that.) Our byline would be, “We put the ‘log’ in ‘the World’s Best Parody Ewok Musical Blog’.” It practically writes itself.

But is it too easy? We never took the easy way out when we wrote this show. We never went with the obvious or pandered to the masses. This show is liberally festooned with references so deep that the guy who runs the Random Star Wars Reference YouTube Channel didn’t get a couple of our random Star Wars references. So what if we dug deeper?

A Deeper Cut

The Oxford English Dictionary says the word “blog” was coined May 23, 1999; a shortened form of the phrase “web log.” Hmm, sounds legit. But let us take you back further; to a simpler time: the 1900s. More specifically, the 1900-and-eighties. Most specifically, 1986. Back in 1986, the Web was just a shriveled Defense Department baby made of wires and packets called the ARPANET. And in 1986, the term “log” referred exclusively to longish hanks of doo-doo.

In those internet-free days, one medium dominated: the ABC network cartoon Star Wars: Ewoks. And it was on that very show, in the episode “A Warrior and a Lurdo,” that our heroes Wicket and Teebo were assailed by a fierce hippo-like creature called … wait for it…
A Blog.

Technically, that makes this the first blog ever to talk about the first “Blog” ever. So, maybe we should just call our blog, “Blog.” Or maybe, “The Blog blog.” We like it, but Blogs play no role in our musical—so we feel like we haven’t really earned it. So as much as we like the idea of a masthead featuring a stylized hippo with batwing ears, we’re going to move on to our third option.
You know people who change words around for no good reason? They’re the people who say, “anywho,” instead of “anyhow.” They’d probably call a guitar a “git-fiddle.” We bet they end a lot of conversations with, “cool beans.” We hate those people for no good reason. So with a spirit of open-mindedness and love, we’d like to embrace those assholes and call our blog something that sounds equally unnecessarily stupid.
We want to call our blog, “Blurrg.”

Try saying it. “Blurrg.” “Yo peeps, have you peeped our blurrg yet?! Cool beans.” It rankles in just the right way.
And this is just the irritating tip of the iceberg. You see, Blogs (the hippo creatures) aren’t the only strange creature on Endor’s forest moon. Oh Golden One no! There are so many weird species and races there that you can make just about and random sound and accidentally name an Endoran creature. Go ahead, say a few syllables of gibberish:
“Fleebog?” Congrats, you’ve just named a tiny tunnel-dwelling race with blue skin, red eyes, and a yellow shell.
“Tip-yip?” That’s random. But it’s also an Endoran chicken which happens to look just like an Earth chicken by an amazing feat of parallel evolution.
“Fftssfft?” Gesundheit. That’s a ridiculous collection of consonants, but it’s also the name of a race of semi-sentient flower creatures.

Given this cacophony of creatures, it may not be surprising to learn that a “Blurrg” is also an Endoran creature. From Wookiepedia:

“Blurrgs were a two-legged reptilian species that lived on the plains of the forest moon of Endor, as well as the planet Ryloth. They were used by the Sanyassan Marauders living on that moon to do their heavy labor. The Sanyassans originally used them as attack creatures, but they were too slow while carrying cargo and calm, so they used them as beasts of burden instead. They controlled them with spiked chain bridles, riding on their backs with stiff saddles.”

Moreover, blurrgs factor in to Wicket a Parody Musical in a minor but meaningful way. They’re right in the script!

TEEBO (winking): Relax, I’m talking about a blurrg. Right, Wicket?
WICKET: Ee-chee-wa-maa, I bet it was amazing! I wish I could ride one of those…
TEEBO: You’re too small little buddy. Remember… size matters.
WICKET: Yeah but I could do it! I’d be all like… C’mon blurrg, yeah blurrg, you know you like it when I ride you blurrg!

So yeah, the script mentions blurrgs four times. In two sentences. And it sounds dumb. So that’s why it’s the name for our new blog.
Welcome to our Blurrg! Cool beans.